"I feel like running" she said,
But the weeping water below her words
Said more
"Follow me" she whispered,
Her breath is wet now,
And with a desperate bounding run
She's gone.
He follows, just like she asked.
---------------------------------------
An audience surrounds me,
Blurred not by tears but irrelevance
in this grey little scene.
They're unsure of what has happened,
The maybes, the worries, the hopefullys;
They're unsure
and I wish I could join them.
-----------------------------------------
I take a step towards the runaway girl,
Alas, I can but walk.
It seems she did not run,
She moved.
I take a step towards the runaway girl,
The distance between us is roads
but it should be worlds.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This rhymes. The rest doesn't. Why?
I think 'He follows' works better.
If they are irrelevant, why is a whole stanza dedicated to their feelings?
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I thought this was interesting and I think I got the point of it, though I could be wrong. It should be a little clearer I think as it was a bit obscure, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.